Wedding Memory: The Boutonniere January 12, 2011

Photo by Eva Russo.

Jami really wanted a boutonniere for the wedding. I called a florist near the Inn a few weeks before the wedding, but they said I didn’t need to order in advance. They were open on Saturdays and would be able to make up one boutonniere in just a few minutes. So after breakfast I decided to walk over  the block and a half and get the boutonniere made up. My dad and uncle saw me leaving and asked if I wanted company. Sure, I said.

I was very worried leading up to our wedding that I would find the day stressful (and that the stress would lead to bickering.) While I have no doubt that stress and even bickering are normal things on a wedding day, I am happy to report that for all my worries, I found the day calm, even relaxing – starting with this fun little wander down the road with two of my favorite men and a whole city full of pink-clad breast cancer walkers. Thanks, Jami, for giving me an excuse to do just that.

Wedding Memory: Something Blue September 14, 2010

Photo by Eva Russo.

To the extent that our wedding had “colors”, the color was blue. When our wedding party folks asked us what to wear, we said “something blue”, which seemed like an easy color for folks to find something they liked in. I’m not a big shoe person, but once we made that decision, I decided that I wanted to wear blue shoes, which were harder to find than I thought they would be. These are from Rockport, so they are quite comfy and they are the most expensive shoes I’ve ever purchased. If you are going to wear a short wedding dress though, I think a little shoe splurge is called for!

Wedding Memory: Something Borrowed August 30, 2010

Photo by Eva Russo

I was all set with my something old, something new, and something blue items, but an hour before my wedding I didn’t have anything borrowed. I wasn’t really worried about this (I didn’t set out to have all four, it’s just one of those sayings that pops into your mind on your wedding day). But when I mentioned this to my two wedding party people, who were hanging out with me before the wedding (the most crucial of all wedding responsibilities. That day is exciting, but nervewracking, it’s nice to have friends around), Jodi immediately took off her bracelet and said, do you want to borrow Nana Bossio’s bracelet? I did, of course. And that’s how I ended up with something borrowed. It’s wonderful how things sometimes just fall into place.

Marriage Equality: A Rant August 12, 2010

Dear Well-Meaning, Soon-to-be-ex-coworker of Jami’s,

I know that you are a well-intentioned, liberal lady who is all for the homos, so I want to give you a little piece of friendly advice. Do not ask your soon-to-be-ex-coworker if her new employer will “recognize” her marriage.  It’s a shitty thing to ask, and here’s why…

Your soon-to-be-ex-coworker (ie, my wife) is legally married in the District of Columbia. I’m sure that you know this because it would have been hard to miss the hullabaloo when it became legal earlier this year. This means that my marriage is a legal marriage and that it is EXACTLY the same as every other legal marriage in the District of Columbia. This is the beauty of marriage equality. This is exactly why marriage equality is so important. Because suddenly relationships between two consenting adults, any two consenting adults, who choose to marry are treated the exactly the same. If your DC employer will pay for the health care of the opposite-sex spouses of their employees, for example, they will also now be paying for the health care of the same-sex spouses of their employees. This is why Catholic Charities is no longer covering spouses on their health care plans.

DC’s move to marriage equality wasn’t an empty gesture, it was a very real, legal, serious thing. And by asking if my marriage is “recognized”, you are saying it is different. You are the ONLY person who is saying that it’s different. Which I am sure is not what your well-meaning, liberal self intended. My best advice? If you believe in marriage equality, recognize all marriages as equal. Practice what you preach. And if there is some way in which my marriage is not equal (there is still that pesky little matter of the federal government), and it’s something that I want to talk you about, I will bring it up. Because if you bring it up, especially if you imply that my marriage isn’t recognized, it’s just going to make me feel like you see my marriage as “less than”, which I most certainly do not and at which I will probably take offense.

I know the question was not meant in the manner in which it was received, and living in a glass house, I have no wish to throw stones. I’m sure, as a well-meaning, liberal white lady myself, I have made my share of well-intentioned, but not-so-appropriate remarks. So please just think about what I said, and the next time you are faced with a coworker or casual acquaintance who is married to someone of the same sex, don’t focus on the differences that you may see between their marriage and other marriages, focus on what is the same – or just don’t focus on their marriage at all. Thanks!

Carrie

Wedding Memory: Something New August 3, 2010

Photo by Eva Russo.

Something new is, I think, the easiest one for most brides to fulfill, and I had many new things to choose from – new dress, new shoes, new haircut… But my favorite new thing that I wore on my wedding day, would have to be my wedding ring – and unlike those other “new” things, I get to enjoy it every day, which is pretty awesome.

Wedding Memory: Something Old July 19, 2010

Photo by Eva Russo.

For my “something old” I wore this necklace of my mother’s. She had given it me over the Christmas holidays with the thought that maybe I would wear it at our wedding, which I was thrilled to do. It was an anniversary present from my dad to my mom. She couldn’t remember for which anniversary, she thought maybe 30th. My parents have been married for 43 (!) years, and to wear something that was a token of that relationship seemed like a little good luck for our wedding day. I’m looking forward to having spent that much of my life with Jami.

Wedding Memory: The Heat June 25, 2010

Photo by Eva Russo of photo lady love.

We got married May 1st. A day specifically chosen because the weather in DC is pleasant in the spring – there’s lots of blooming going on and it is not too hot. Usually. May 1, 2010 was a beautiful day in DC, sunny and bright, but it was definitely hot – in the low 90s, and our guests (especially those from Maine) were feeling it. One of the side effects of the heat was that Jami’s hand swelled slightly – just enough to make it a bit of a push to get the ring on. Here she is, with her hand in the ice bucket, trying to cool her hand down so that it will shrink and let the ring on easily. When the time came, the ring went on. Not without a little resistance, but on all the same, which is all that matters.

Wedding Memory: Our First Dance June 18, 2010

Photo by Eva Russo of PhotoLadyLove.

We weren’t going to have a first dance. Pretty much up until a few minutes before we found ourselves dancing, we weren’t going to have a first dance. But then, dinner was over, and we wanted to encourage folks to make their way to the dance floor, and a first dance seemed the easiest way to do that. We asked our friend Pete to play DJ (easy enough, since he is a DJ, and did all the mixes we listened to all evening), and put on You Are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne. Was it weird to dance in front of everyone we knew? Maybe not for everyone, but for two attention-avoiding ladies, yes. But I’m glad we did – first of all because I was so very happy that I wanted to dance with Jami, and second of all, because it worked. Other folks started dancing (more on that to come) and we all had a grand time.

*My wife complains that you can’t see my face in any of the dancing pictures. But since I like looking at her face, and this is my blog, this is the picture you get.

Mighty Life List #7: Marry Jami June 1, 2010

Photo by Eva Russo of photoladylove.

A month ago today, we got married. Married! (There we are above looking in amazement at Jami’s wedding band.)

It’s been a good (if somewhat expensive) month, and I hope it is just the start of many good months and years ahead. It’s pretty great being married. In a lot of ways, it’s no different than before – we wake up next to each other, same as before, eat dinner together every night, worry about our pets, plan our garden. In ways both practical and profound, a shift has definitely occurred however. How does marriage feel different? The best way I can describe it, as unromantic as it sounds, is that marriage feels solid. It feels like a foundation on which we can build. It feels like the start of something. Marriage so often seems to be seen (at least in movies) as the happy ending, but I think it’s really the beginning: the start of the rest of our lives and all the amazing things, both extraordinary and mundane, that we can accomplish together. Let the adventure begin.