8 things i love about no longer being pregnant

1. having a daughter.

2. having my nonswollen feet back.

3. taking a really hot bath.

4. the occasional glass of wine.

5. no more heartburn.

6. eating smoked salmon.

7. sleeping on my stomach. or lying on my back.

8. being able to take non-Tylenol painkillers.

8 things i love about no longer being pregnant

Frances: A Birth Story

In our childbirth class, our instructor encouraged us to write down our birth stories (and share them with her), but when Frances was born, I figured I didn’t really have a story to tell. After all, Frances was born by c-section. I have no tales of triumphing over the pain or the joy of pushing my baby out into the world. I didn’t even go into labor. To be perfectly honest, I’m still struggling with feeling like I somehow failed by not having the natural childbirth I wanted or that other women have had (and then I feel guilty for not feeling 100% positive about the mode of Frances’ arrival. Guilt, I do it well). But the fact of the matter remains that Frances was born, I carried her for 9 months, and then, one day in January, she left my body – so there is a birth story in there somewhere.

As someone who was very nervous about having a c-section, I really craved positive, non-traumatic c-section birth stories. I wanted to hear from other women who had given birth this way and felt okay about – and for all my ambivalence about having had a c-section philosophically, I feel very positive about the actual physical experience. So this is our story – of how Frances was born and how it was better than okay.

The story of how Frances came to be born by c-section starts long before Frances was born. At every midwife appointment since 28 weeks, our midwives would check Frances’ head position, and she was always heads up – BREECH. At first, I wasn’t worried about this at all, I figured Frances (or as we thought of her then – Baby Ansell) had plenty of time to flip. I figured she’d surely be heads down by the next appointment. Or maybe the next appointment. Or the next. But she never was. So I started trying all the baby-flipping tricks – laying upside down doing “inversions”, putting cold things on the top of my belly, playing music to the bottom of my belly, walking upside down on my hands in the pool, going to the accupuncturist, having Jami continue that treatment at home – waving smelly burning herbs over my small toe (this works for something like 60% of women), going to the chiropractor. If someone suggested it, I tried it, but still our baby never turned.

Finally we were to the last drastic step – an external version. This is when two doctors grab hold of the head and butt of your baby from outside your belly and manually try to turn him or her. It is not comfortable. On January 3rd we headed to the hospital for the external version. I got my desk cleaned off and made sure everything was in order at work, because there is a slim chance that your placenta can separate from your uterus during the external version and you have to have an emergency c-section. Luckily that didn’t happen for me, but they also weren’t able to turn the baby. I had to accept that the great likelihood was that this baby was never going to turn head down, and that that meant I was going to have a c-section.

Breech babies are born vaginally more commonly in Europe, but in the US, most breech babies are born by c-section. In the DC Area there is ONE OB/Gyn who routinely attends vaginal breech births and he is in Northern Virginia. Switching to a provider in Northern Virginia was not an option for us, because Jami would not be able to be on the birth certificate (and with our marriage unrecognized she could have even been kept from the delivery room). I felt grateful that I wouldn’t have to be transferred from our midwives care (midwives do not perform c-sections), but I knew that when I arrived at the hospital in labor, our midwife would mainly be playing cheerleader/supportive friendly presence in the operating room, while a doctor delivered our baby via c-section. So that was the new plan: I would go into labor naturally and then present myself at the hospital for a c-section (or a vaginal birth if by some miracle, the baby had flipped on her own).

On Monday, January 9th, I showed up at the midwives’ office for my regularly scheduled 38 week appointment. I had been feeling a little off and I was worried about my blood pressure which had been a little elevated at my last two visits and the fact that I also had had some protein in my urine. Both of these things are signs of preeclampsia, which if untreated can turn into eclampsia (seizures during pregnancy) which is pretty serious. After 37 weeks, the treatment for preeclampsia is to deliver the baby. The midwife I was seeing (my favorite – the one who had made me feel most okay about having a Breech baby, and about delivering that baby however it happened) was pretty worried about this too. She said she was going to send me over the hospital (just a block away) for monitoring, but that it was highly likely that I was going to have my baby today. WHAT? TODAY? I was totally not prepared for that. It was just a midwife appointment. I had thought they might put me on bed rest because of the blood pressure, but have the baby? Whoa. I started crying. I was just so overwhelmed.

So we headed over to the hospital, calling our doula on the way and letting her know she might have a birth to attend. Jami sent texts to our family and close friends giving them a heads up that Baby Ansell may well be on his or her way. I got hooked up to a blood pressure cuff and a monitor that tracked the baby’s heartbeat, which was nice and strong – which took a load of my mind right away. The triage nurse was really nice and personable. Some blood was drawn for bloodwork and I just sat on the bed and got used to the idea of having a baby. Oh, and I called my work to say, I think I’m having a baby today. I won’t be in after that midwife appointment after all.

After an hour or so, the midwife on call came in to say that my liver enzymes were elevated and that my blood pressure had remained high throughout the monitoring, so they wanted to go ahead and deliver my baby. Oh, and although there were other patients there that morning for c-sections (including another midwife patient with a breech baby), I was the only person who hadn’t eaten breakfast yet that morning, so they wanted me to go first. (Doctors prefer to operate on an empty stomach – less chance of you choking on your own vomit. Lovely, right?) Speeding right along.

The anaethesiology resident came in to introduced herself and to give me the standard spiel about possible side effects and complications of the epidural. She was the same resident I had met the previous week during my version (my midwife was very good about making sure that you met all possible providers, which definitely made the process more personal and less scary), so that was comforting. I met the chief resident who would be performing the c-section with the attending physician, and I had also met her the previous week (she was one of the two doctors performing the version), so things were looking up.

It was explained to us (by whom, I cannot remember now), that I would be taken into the OR and given the epidural and then Jami would be allowed in for the rest of the time. So off I went to the OR, which was cold and bright, just like everyone says. I just want to take a moment to sing the praises of the anaesthesiologists (I had two – a resident and the attending – because GW is a teaching hospital.) who were just the right mix of down-to-earth, funny and totally competent. It really helped me to relax because I both liked and trusted them – and I had been very scared about getting an epidural. As scary as it sounds to have someone put a needle in your spine, it was not painful (mild discomfort going in – something that I don’t think I would have even noticed if I was in labor. The attending anaesthesiologist joked that he was at a disadvantage because usually when he put in an epidural women were in a decent amount of pain and really glad to see him, whereas I was feeling fine.) – and it worked! Not only as a pain killer, but when I started feeling nauseous, I just told the anaesthesiologist, she did a little medication magic and 30 seconds later I felt fine! (There are benefits to having a direct line into your spine!)

Once I was all set with the epidural, I lay down, and my arms were covered with blankets (in addition to the OR being cold, IV fluids can (and do for me) make you cold). A sheet was place below my boobs to keep me from seeing the surgery (you could probably request to not have your vision blocked, but I didn’t really want to see them cut me open). Jami came in and I was very happy to see her. My midwife was there too, and lots of other folks (pediatrician, two surgeons, two anaesthesiologists, untold medical students). Everyone was pretty excited to learn that we didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl, so that meant we would all find out together! The anaesthesiologist confirmed that I couldn’t feel anything, and they started cutting.

Time is tricky, especially when in such an emotionally intense situation, but I think it was about 10 minutes later that Frances was born. Jami told me while they were working that the baby was a boy because they kept referring to the baby as “he”, but it turned out that they couldn’t tell yet and were just using a default pronoun – because when Frances emerged, and the doctors told Jami to look over the sheet and see the baby, Jami said “She’s a girl!”. I was so shocked. I was so sure Frances was going to be a boy, that I said “She’s a girl?” in tones of absolute disbelief. It was definitely the best surprise I’ve ever had. I heard her cry and was so relieved that she was okay.

We told everyone in the operating room that this was Frances Gloria, and she was whisked over the the warmer (which I could see from where I lay) for the pediatrician to perform the Apgar tests. Jami was able to stand right there beside her and marvel over her perfectness – and we were both amused how her feet were up by her head – you could definitely tell she had been breech! Once the 5 minute Apgar was done (score of 9!), Jami was allowed to pick her up and bring her over to me. She was just the most beautiful baby girl.

I was very happy to see her, but my surgery wasn’t over yet, and while the doctors were sewing me back up, I got nauseous and threw up a little (another one of my c-section fears). The anaesthesologist continued to be my favorite person by holding the little bucket for me to throw up in and assuring me that it was totally normal and that I was doing great. She also took the first picture of Jami, Frances and I on her phone. Seriously, she was the best. I was so happy that Jami was there to hold and love our little one, while I wasn’t feeling up to it. Even though I couldn’t hold her yet, I was so thrilled that she was born and healthy and so in love with her and with Jami’s reactions to her. She couldn’t stop talking about just how awesome Frances was. Sewing up took longer than getting Frances out, but still not very long. I think all told, I was in the OR for about an hour.

As soon as I was out of the OR, I was able to hold Frances and start breastfeeding, and with the epidural still in I felt pretty good (although I wasn’t moving much). You often hear how women who have had c-sections aren’t able to hold their babies, but that wasn’t a problem for me at all. I was worried about recovering from the c-section, but it wasn’t bad. The pain was worst the day after the surgery, after the epidural came out, but it was definitely manageable, and by the time I got home I was just taking over-the-counter pain meds. Walking was difficult for a few days, but got better quickly and by about two weeks postpartum I felt mostly normal. Now 9 weeks later, the only reminder of my c-section is the scar.

I am really happy that everything moved so quickly (my midwife appointment was at 8 AM and Frances was born at 12:39 PM), because I didn’t have time to stress out  or obsess about things. And speed is definitely a benefit of a c-section – you get to meet your baby very quickly – much quicker than most vaginal deliveries. I don’t feel like my recovery was any harder than most vaginal deliveries either. My pain was in a different area, but I don’t think it was really more severe (I can’t ever know that for sure, but that’s my impression). Basically, if I could tell my pregnant self one thing, it would be that the c-section wouldn’t be anything to fear (and also to stop trying to turn my breech baby – doing all that stuff took a lot of time and was stressful. I wish I had just relaxed and pampered myself a bit more.) And, hey, I grew a baby and then I gave birth to her. That’s pretty kickass however it happens.

Frances: A Birth Story

38 Weeks

and she grows.

We are in the final countdown now. 11 days until our due date, with a very wriggly, happy breech baby. This past Tuesday we had an attempted external version, which was unsuccessful. The baby could still flip on his or her own, but the chance is honestly pretty remote at this point.

In the meantime, I’m taking everyone’s “sleep now” advice to heart and really prioritizing low-key, relaxing weekends. We’ve had two in a row with sleeping late, naps, and low stress activities (a Harry Potter movie marathon last weekend, football this weekend). I definitely think it’s helping. By the end of the weekend, I really feel good and rested.

Tomorrow begins my last week of work before maternity leave. Even if the baby hasn’t arrived by Friday, I’ll be off work, de-stressing and getting ready for our little one’s arrival. I’m looking forward to it.

The nursery is done and looking pretty good, if I say so myself. As I told Jami, it’s almost like we knew what we were doing!


So now, we just wait for our baby to be ready. Could be any day now, could be a few weeks. Here’s hoping for sooner.

38 Weeks

35 Weeks

my lovely wife.

What’s NOT New: The baby is still breech. It feels like I have tried everything at this point to get the baby to turn: inversions, the chiropractor, playing the baby music through the lower part of my belly, moxibustion, walking on my hands in the pool, cat-cow yoga exercises, putting something cold on the top of my belly, asking nicely… Our baby is stubborn.

What IS New: I’m BIG. I know I said this last time, but it’s more and more true. I’ve now reached the waddling stage. When tired I don’t even really waddle, I lumber. Our childbirth classes have finished and the first couple in the class has already had their baby. Amazing. I’m still focused on getting through Christmas and getting everything set at work for my absence, but the end is in sight. I’m not to the “I’m ready” stage yet, but I definitely see it in my not too distant future.

35 Weeks

33 Weeks

Carrie and Sofie.

What’s New: As you can probably tell from the fact that I haven’t given an update in 6 weeks, life has been BUSY! On the pregnancy symptoms front, the heartburn continues, and I’ve also started having some swelling in my hands and feet. Nothing extreme, but enough to make me whiny. Good reason to come home and put my feet up. I’m also starting to feel BIG. Not unattractive (I actually really like my pregnant body), but like my belly is getting in the way of things and I’m having to compensate for it. I can’t imagine how big I’ll be by the end! Childbirth classes have continued and now we only have one left. I think they’ve been helpful, but they have definitely added to the busyness. I also went to a breastfeeding class a few weeks ago, which was good. I have some concerns about breastfeeding, so I’m trying to be as informed and prepared as possible.

Appointments I’ve Had: Since the last update, I have had an ultrasound and three midwife appointments. Baby has been head’s up at all 3 appointments, so I started doing inversions to try to get the baby to flip about a month or so ago, and I have now added a Chiropractor to the appointment list. 3 chiropractor appointments so far, but baby was still heads up yesterday during our doula appointmen. Let’s all visualize baby turning over and soon. I don’t know how I could possible fit more appointments into my schedule, but accupuncture is the next thing to try.

Where We’ve Been: November was a traveling month. We did a little last minute trip to Baltimore at the beginning of the month, which was a lovely vacation. We went to the Aquarium and the Walters Museum and saw a friend of mine from Grad School – and met her husband and 5 month old baby, which was great fun. Veteran’s Day weekend, we flew up to Maine (where my wife’s family all lives) for a baby shower. They really went all out with crafts and decorations – It was quite impressive! The next weekend we stayed in town (hooray). Jami’s best friend came down from New Hampshire (delivering the shower gifts from the Maine Shower), and we had our DC shower at our good friend and neighbor’s house, which was a laid-back, good time. Then Thanksgiving weekend we were on the road again – down to my parents’ farm in North Carolina (where the picture above was taken). My brother also flew out from Colorado which was a real treat! It was a great time, but I’m happy to be back home with no travel on the horizon until (months) after the baby comes.

Preparations Completed: The baby’s room is mostly done. All the furniture is in and now I just have to finish putting everything away and getting organized. I’m hoping to have the room pretty much done this weekend – I’ll put up photos when it’s finished. I finished the baby’s quilt, but haven’t started on the wall hangings I’m planning on. We’ll see if those get done before baby arrives! We have a car seat now, but it hasn’t made it into the car yet. Lots of little odds and ends of things to do.

What I’m Reading: Not too much on the pregnancy/childbirth/baby care front. I started Bestfeeding, but haven’t picked it or the baby care books up in weeks. I need to get back to my preparatory reading for sure.

33 Weeks

27 Weeks

27 Weeks

What’s New: The baby has a new trick – he or she has gotten long enough, that I can sometimes feel him or her on both sides of my stomach. It’s pretty neat. We also started our Childbirth class last week. There was a lot of “sharing” which is a little awkward, but also a little affirming. We have 7 more classes to go, and I’m hoping at the end we will both feel nice and prepared for labor and delivery. On the food front, my new favorite thing is roast broccoli and I’ve also developed a fondness for milk. I’m drinking about a cup a day (I started drinking milk again in the first trimester, but it has definitely picked up in the last month or so). On the symptom front, heartburn has become more frequent and it’s lasting longer, but it’s still not a daily occurence, which is good. I picked up some Tums at the supermarket today though, because I think it will only get worse from here.

Appointments I’ve Had: In the past month, I’ve had one endocrinology appointment (all is well with my thyroid) and one midwife appointment. It was my last every 4 weeks appointment, and now we switch to every two weeks. We’re getting there! I also had my gestational diabetes test, which wasn’t as nauseating as I feared (my friend told me to ask for the “red one” and it was fairly unobjectionable). Even better I passed, so no gestational diabetes here!

Preparations Completed: The crib has been purchased and assembled (by my lovely wife). We think the next must buy item is a car seat. We won’t be able to take the baby home without it!

Crib! Assembled!

Where I’ve Been: At the beginning of the month, I went down to Williamsburg to visit with my Grandma (who just turned 90 and lives there) and my Mom (who drove up from North Carolina for the visit). We also went down to Virginia Beach to see my sister, who lives there. It was so nice to see my family (my Grandma, in particular, I hadn’t seen since our wedding!) and catch up. My mom and I also did some outlet shopping while there and got me some more maternity clothes (It’s so nice to have clothes that fit) and the baby some cute outfits.

3 Generations (with 1 on the way)
What I’m Reading: I read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth this month. Written by Ina May Garten, so is sort of the mother of modern American midwifery, the first half of the book consists of birth stories, the second of the lessons Garten has learned about childbirth. I thought I would find the birth stories cheesy, but I actually found them really empowering – “That lady had a 10 pound baby naturally, without so much as an episiotomy? I can totally do this!” Next up… books about breastfeeding!

27 Weeks

A Love Letter to the Second Trimester

Oh, second trimester, you have been so good to me. You took the stressed out, exhausted, nauseous woman I was, and turned me into a happy pregnant lady. Once you arrived I stopped worrying so much about miscarrying, and started feeling more confident in myself and our growing baby.

You are the trimester where I became visibly pregnant. It’s so weird to spend about half your pregnancy with no one knowing you are pregnant unless you tell them – but now… People ask when the baby is due, tell me Congratulations, offer me a seat on metro. It’s pretty great.

You are the trimester when I first felt the baby move – tentatively at first. Unsure of what I was really feeling, but then stronger and stronger until there is no mistaking what is going on. Until our baby’s little feet make my belly bounce. I hear that by the end these kicks may be painful, but right now I can’t get enough. Dance away, little baby.

You gave me more energy, I could tackle projects, cook dinner, stay up past 9. You took away my nausea. Food tastes good again and I want to eat it. It’s not that you were completely symptom free, there were those leg cramps in the first half of the trimester and that heartburn that has showed up in the second half, but even those were mild, nothing to write home about. You made me feel normal again, which is the best gift of all.

So thanks, second trimester, I will always treasure this time we had. You are just what I needed.

Love, me.

A Love Letter to the Second Trimester